Thanks to the efforts of many doctors and researchers, the mysterious plague that was started two months ago has finally been cured and subsequently eliminated. All infected persons have been cured, and the disease should trouble us no more.

This month, no cities have been destroyed by falling mountains or megatsunamis. It is understood that the creatures responsible have been restrained. For now, at least, life goes on as normal.

Following an unexpected reversal of soil degradation in the Amazon basin, the rainforest appears to have recovered from a sudden decline and desertification it experienced earlier this month. Conservationists are hailing this latest development as a victory for total inexplicability.

A number of meadow flowers, notably yellow trefoil and devil's bit scabious, have been found growing on a previously bare patch of chalk at the summit of Dragon Hill near Uffington. The hilltop is famously barren - a local legend holds that St George slew the dragon atop this very hill; its spilt blood was believed to have poisoned the ground there forever. It is speculated that the sudden appearance of the flowers may be related to the new stone circle built on the site three months ago.

The Neolithic settlement of Skara Brae, a UNESCO World Heritage Site located in the Orkney Islands has unexpectedly collapsed into the sea; the cause of this calamity is presently unknown. The 5000-year-old site was until recently considered remarkable for its excellent state of preservation.

Disneyland has issued an apology to its customers after the recent murder that took place on Splash Mountain. The rides photography caught the culprits in the act, and the authorities are currently on the lookout for a teenage girl and her scruffy male accomplice, last seen wearing a Sebastian the Crab suit and Captain the Hook outfit respectively.

When asked for comment, one bystander, clinging tightly to an Emperor Kuzco Llama stuffed toy could only say that those who had carried out this heinous crime would get what was coming to them.

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#skarabye
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